his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
