ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
