The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
