I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
he fucked my hip out of place.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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