It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
