So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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