smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
