I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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