I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
