She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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