I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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