I need help removing her.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
