I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Randomize
