Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Randomize
