I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
