i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
