you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Randomize
