I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
