Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
We have started to decorate penises.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
