Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
