At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
