don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
