know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
