fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
