in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
