oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
