No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
