Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
