So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
