Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
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