is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
