I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I just want to make out with him forever
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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