shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
