Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
