Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
