If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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