these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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