remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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