Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Let's get the cat blown out
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
