She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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