dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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