I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
why do cheetos always look like penises
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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