We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
