it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
