Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
