How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
