he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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