it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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