an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
