there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
