she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
