Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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